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Yes, that’s right! We have already started the process for the next attempt for baby number 2. I have had no time to update this blog at all.. We are currently having a term break at school and I am able to get a breather for a bit now before the madness continues and ends on the day of my transfer.

We actually wanted to try for number 2 much earlier – while I was on no pay leave (extended maternity leave). I wanted to make some good use of the leave and not go for an FET while working – that is extremely extremely stressful. For now, my doc said he will place me on hospitalisation leave right after the transfer so that the chances of it succeeding will be greater. I do really honestly believe that bed rest and a stress-free environment is crucial in ensuring success.

I don’t quite know where all the time has passed. We are now settled down with our beloved baby. No more frantic situations where we don’t know what to do at all etc. Like, it is a nice, pleasant, comfortable pace now. I guess this is also the stage where the babies become more interactive and are extremely cute to look at and cuddle. hahaha. Oh and this one throws temper tantrums too. Especially when I take away an item away from him.

It didn’t take me long to realise that I simply couldn’t cope with a baby and work at the same time. Previously, the work ends when I leave school and sometimes continues at night and I do get sufficient rest. Now, it is madness. There is more work, but of a different nature, waiting for me at home. My mom helps to look after the baby in the day and I bring him back everyday after work. Tiring as hell.

So with a second one, I have to enlist the help of a domestic worker. Got to get used to that idea of having a stranger in the house.  AND, probably go on a reduced work load. I just wish I could get out of teaching and do something else actually. Perhaps I do need a change of environment. I just don’t find myself coping well with work. But I know there’s no way I can not afford to work.

So here we are. 9 months later and on the way to FET 2. I have started my bcp. And then it will be the lucrin injections for a month along with progynova to thicken the lining. And then a planned transfer on the 16 or 17 October. I am so dreading the PIO shots – I had actually totally forgotten a lot of these acronyms and had to put some effort in recalling them haha. Well those are certainly times I DID NOT MISS.

I am worried about the next pregnancy. Whether it will be a success or not, whether the pregnancy will be as horrid as my first one. So many things on my mind. Sometimes I feel like my head will explode.

I frankly have no motivation to have the next child when I am enjoying my first. But with ivf and all that uncertainty, I guess I don’t have the luxury of time. I won’t know if my uterus will cooperate if I decide to have a baby later. I don’t know how many tries the next one might take. So it is certainly better to push ahead and start now when I know that I have healed completely from the C-section. And I want to do this and have my kids while I am young enough. I have a colleague who just had his first child after 15 years. They had it naturally and now he is 45 years old and is lamenting about how he has no energy and has a difficult time trying to figure things out with the baby.  It is tough especially at an older age. And when the kid is a teenager, the parents would be in their 60s.

I have been following a blog which I never wanted to follow. I quite dislike the author. I still don’t like her, the way she is so defensive about everything etc. and utterly super sensitive. She only wants to read/hear what she wants to hear/read. Anything else gets shouted down at. I don’t think you can ever give up on a dream. I think you will always chase it – one way or another, until you attain that fulfilment. I think you can only give up on something once you have made peace with yourself and accepted that you can exist without having it. If you can’t, then you HAVE to chase it. There is no point convincing yourself that there is an exit door that you can use the moment things fail. That exit door is a façade. It doesn’t exist.

Okay. I don’t know when I will update this blog again. But I will pop by to update now and then. Especially so after the transfer perhaps? It’ll be way different now with a 10 month old baby though.

Right. It is 5am. Time to get some sleep. I had a power nap earlier hence this late late post.