Here comes 2016 with the IVF
This is the first time that I am not counting down whatever is left of my holidays in dread of work that starts in Jan. This time round, I have the chance to just completely forget about work and just think about erm visiting the doctor instead. Lol. At least I don’t have to deal with the stress and worry of work and preparing materials for the new academic year and a new syllabus too. And it also doesn’t feel like my break has quite ended yet. It kind of feels good actually. Perhaps I won’t quite miss work? Perhaps I should just enjoy the next few months where I don’t have to work at all? Hmmm.
I have to nonetheless prepare materials etc for the new social studies syllabus. So that’s something to do when I feel utterly bored or when I run out of things to do I guess?
So since my parents and my Brother had moved in with us, it has been less lonely at home. I get to irritate my Brother. Hehe. And I have been really occupied with the renovation stuff as well.
i had been down with a horrid case of stomach flu. This really really took a toll on me. Plus I think the BCP did not make my life easier either. I think I might have thrown up the BCP on the two days that I had sever vomiting and this brought on a light bleed for that entire week. It really seemed to have messed things up. My doctor seemed to be concerned and I was told that if I’m not in good health then we can’t start the IVF procedure this month. And I was like no way can this crap interfere with our plans. I stopped BCP yesterday and the bleeding had lightened and I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow morning. I read that the period could come later during the stims or just may not. Or perhaps the bleeding I had this week was the actual period. I don’t know. I hope the doctor can figure this out and hopefully we can go ahead with plans.
I am still quite apprehensive. But I need to push myself to go through with this. And hopefully the slower pace of life (without work) would help. I might be getting the Gonal-F injections tomorrow. Sigh. That sucks. But yea it is all for a worthy cause.
I was just really upset with the loss of my finances. You know. I could have been like so many others who have no issues and are able to get pregnant so easily. And it is not even like I have age- related issues. We have been trying since I was 26. 😦 and I wouldn’t have to spend a whopping 20k on these procedures. I could have used that money for my kids. Oh well. All the what-could-have-beens. I just feel so unlucky. “Unblessed”.
i know my Husband often reminds me that we are still lucky compared to a whole lot of other people in terms of various things. I know and understand all of that but I can’t help but be consumed by what I so severely lack. I just never thought I would ever have to go through this, you know?
I have somewhat avoided planning meet ups with my ex colleagues this month. I mean, I don’t have any good news to share with them. I know that the question will pop up. I know they have good intentions in asking for updates but yea, it just feels like crap. To be honest, it feels better to just be open and upfront. But I know that news will travel if I am going to be too open and I don’t want tongues wagging. On the other hand, several of my colleagues know. There’s no way I can keep such things secret really. Everyone wants to know why I’ll be on no pay leave. If I withhold info, then they are quick to assume that I’m skiving. So, I might as well be a little truthful, right? So, I’ve just said that I need the time off to focus on building my family. Fair enough, right? Hopefully, I will some success to share with them. 🙂
Have I mentioned? My husband is such a darling. 🙂 but I’m still going to yell at him when he jabs me with the injections lol.
So here’s to a month full of injections, endless scans and a minor surgery (egg collection). Hopefully tomorrow’s scan goes well and we stay on the planned course of action.
And if God is listening, I would like a pair of twins please. Thank you.