Monthly Archives: December 2015

Here comes 2016 with the IVF

This is the first time that I am not counting down whatever is left of my holidays in dread of work that starts in Jan. This time round, I have the chance to just completely forget about work and just think about erm visiting the doctor instead. Lol. At least I don’t have to deal with the stress and worry of work and preparing materials for the new academic year and a new syllabus too. And it also doesn’t feel like my break has quite ended yet. It kind of feels good actually. Perhaps I won’t quite miss work? Perhaps I should just enjoy the next few months where I don’t have to work at all? Hmmm.

I have to nonetheless prepare materials etc for the new social studies syllabus. So that’s something to do when I feel utterly bored or when I run out of things to do I guess?

So since my parents and my Brother had moved in with us, it has been less lonely at home. I get to irritate my Brother. Hehe. And I have been really occupied with the renovation stuff as well.

i had been down with a horrid case of stomach flu. This really really took a toll on me.  Plus I think the BCP did not make my life easier either. I think I might have thrown up the BCP on the two days that I had sever vomiting and this brought on a light bleed for that entire week. It really seemed to have messed things up. My doctor seemed to be concerned and I was told that if I’m not in good health then we can’t start the IVF procedure this month. And I was like no way can this crap interfere with our plans. I stopped BCP yesterday and the bleeding had lightened and I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow morning. I read that the period could come later during the stims or just may not. Or perhaps the bleeding I had this week was the actual period. I don’t know. I hope the doctor can figure this out and hopefully we can go ahead with plans.

I am still quite apprehensive. But I need to push myself to go through with this. And hopefully the slower pace of life (without work) would help. I might be getting the Gonal-F injections tomorrow. Sigh. That sucks. But yea it is all for a worthy cause.

I was just really upset with the loss of my finances. You know. I could have been like so many others who have no issues and are able to get pregnant so easily. And it is not even like I have age- related issues. We have been trying since I was 26. 😦 and I wouldn’t have to spend a whopping 20k on these procedures. I could have used that money for my kids. Oh well. All the what-could-have-beens. I just feel so unlucky. “Unblessed”.

i know my Husband often reminds me that we are still lucky compared to a whole lot of other people in terms of various things.  I know and understand all of that but I can’t help but be consumed by what I so severely lack. I just never thought I would ever have to go through this, you know?

I have somewhat avoided planning meet ups with my ex colleagues this month. I mean, I don’t have any good news to share with them. I know that the question will pop up. I know they have good intentions in asking for updates but yea, it just feels like crap. To be honest, it feels better to just be open and upfront. But I know that news will travel if I am going to be too open and I don’t want tongues wagging. On the other hand, several of my colleagues know. There’s no way I can keep such things secret really. Everyone wants to know why I’ll be on no pay leave. If I withhold info, then they are quick to assume that I’m skiving. So, I might as well be a little truthful, right? So, I’ve just said that I need the time off to focus on building my family. Fair enough, right? Hopefully, I will some success to share with them. 🙂

Have I mentioned? My husband is such a darling. 🙂 but I’m still going to yell at him when he jabs me with the injections lol.

So here’s to a month full of injections, endless scans and a minor surgery (egg collection). Hopefully tomorrow’s scan goes well and we stay on the planned course of action.

And if God is listening, I would like a pair of twins please. Thank you.

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Anemia.

and so.. I’m anemic. Sucks. The lab apparently couldn’t figure if I have an iron deficiency or thalassemia. So Husband has got to go for a blood test tomorrow.

I’ve  started the BCP already. Will have to stop that on the 24th of this month and then after I get the period, it will be time for those awful jabs and scans again. And I’m on a liquid iron supplement now – self prescribed.

It is getting harder to keep myself distracted. I’ve been really busy with throwing out old stuff and reorganising the kitchen etc. Made some really cool purchases online too which I’m happy with.

so on a normal year, I’d never want the month of holidays to end before school started. But now it looks like my wish had really come true and I’m not quite happy about that. Like I know I’m going to miss work.

on the brighter side, I actually made a sale on carousell. Cool stuff. I’m hoping I get to sell more of the stuff that I would have thrown away otherwise. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure? Though I can’t imagine ever buying second hand goods myself.

I feel cheated. All those trips, prayers, positive words predictions. Like they were all lies. It was just horrid that they had actually made me really hopeful and look where we are now.

Well, got to survive this month.

 

 

New things to do!?

Okay this was supposed to be a depressed post since I had gotten my period. But I have found ways to keep me occupied! 😀 So I am like dizzy happy. Will get back to this one later.

So I had my period after my cancelled IUI cycle on the 6th of November. My LH surge never happened (and usually this is not the case – I always get my surge). And then about 2 weeks later I had bleeding on the 22nd. I scheduled an appointment to check if that was ovulation bleeding but I sort of knew that it was too heavy to be ovulation bleeding which I only had once. So the doc confirmed that my eggs don’t seem to be growing and I had a few small follicles and that’s that. He said that it was highly unlikely that I would ovulate this cycle and I think he was right. My biggest follicle was 8mm and here I was hoping that it would grow and I could have a chance this cycle but no. This cycle was totally messed up thanks to dear Gonal F. pffft. So 10 days after that bleed now I have another and this should be my actual period. Thankfully it doesn’t seem to be that heavy so I might be spared some misery.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to draw bloods to check my hormone levels and do other tests in preparation for the IVF in Jan. Oh and I have to get the Thalessemia test done as well. It is mandatory at this hospital so yep I couldn’t quite escape that. I just hope that I won’t faint with all these bloods being drawn all at once. It happened once before and it was a horrible experience.

So on day 7 I will be on birth control pills to ‘reset’ my system (ovaries I guess?) for about  3 weeks. The doc will be back from his vacation by then and then I will have a scan to check my ovaries and will have the injections to have fun with I guess.

I was upset that I didn’t ovulate at all. And then I decided to distract myself. I had quite a number of dresses to ‘get rid of’ but they were in such an excellent condition that it seemed like it was quite a waste to just discard them. So…. I am trying to sell them on carousell! 🙂 Awesome stuff. I am so pumped! I didn’t know there were so many people who were willing to buy second-hand goods! I still don’t know if I’d actually be able to sell anything haha. But it’s fun! And I can try to sell whatever stuff I tend to buy in excess and have a collection of. lol. It is just fun to snap photos of all these things and put up listings. 🙂 🙂 🙂 So this should keep me going for a while I guess?

We can finally start on the renovation for my parents’ place now. So since everyone else is working, it looks like I will have to oversee that project. I have no complaints about that. Another thing to keep me occupied. Plus my parents and brother will be moving into my house and staying with us until the renovation works are completed. 🙂 That should be fun. That’s like back to the days when I was single/unmarried. And my mom would be around to fuss over me. 🙂 And I will get to irritate the hell out of my brother. yay.

I am 30 years old. But I feel like I am still 20. hah!

I will also embark on project re-organisation-of-my-house.

I will miss my colleagues and my students though. But hopefully I can just stay happy, keep a tight grip on my finances and just take the jabs/scans/info in my stride as best as I can. And hopefully the journey will be as painless as possible. Painless. Please.

Right, it is 2:30am. Hubby is sound asleep. He needs to wake up at 5am to send his mom off to the airport. I just downed a glass of chocolate milk. Still don’t feel sleepy. I need to wake up at 930am.

Okay. That’s it for now!